Life of THIS Actor
So here I sit in my room. In Los Angeles. After a long day at work. Well shorter than others. This is one Saturday that I didn't work a double shift at 2 out of my 3 jobs. That's right I'm working 3 jobs. I've always been a crazy person like that!
But tonight it hit me hard. I told the chef at the new job I'm working at that I'm maintaining three jobs. He looked at me and said "When do you have time to Act?" This was the second person that question this. The first was my coworker at my other job, "Sooo what are going do about acting?"
Both questions let me stammering and dancing around the true answer, "I don't know." Instead I said "Oh well, it's all working out, I'm working mainly nights and so that doesn't interfere with daytime auditions."
But really what am I going to do about acting?
I recently revisited "Poetic Justice", "Boyz in the Hood", "Do the Right Thing" and "Casino. I found myself yearning to be in the shoes of Janet Jackson, Nia Long, Rosie Perez, and Sharon Stone. "Maybe I'm not crazy or eccentric enough," I thought after I turned off Casino. "Maybe I'm not hustling enough."
But what else am I supposed to do when I need to maintain finances and live in a foreign city all on my own.
But tonight I pondered hard. Is this me throwing in the towel?
Naaa, One thing I do know and that I am for certain is that everyone's path is different. I love when Jay Z says "Everyone can tell you how to do it but they never did it."
That's how I feel. I'm honestly taking it one step day by day. No one else wears my shoes or completely knows what it's like being in them. But damn it I sure would like to switch with a couple of other people.
In the meantime, I stay optimistic. For some reason, I'm not depressed or sad. I'm still an actor no matter what.
Michele Shay said it best, "You gotta live life in order to tell stories." Hell I'm definitely living it now!
On another note, I saw John Lithgow in his One-Man show or "Stories from the Heart." I'm so glad that I talked my friend into going to see it with me. It really opened me up to a whole other world. He told two stories and talked a lot about storytelling, because that's what actors do, tell stories, and people listened. And boy did I listen. He told storied I had never heard before but they sat with me. And he was so funny and animated. That's what I want to do as an actor is bring someone completely different from me and my upbringing into my world and share stories with them that they have never heard and have them connect with me.
Ok I'm starting to sound like Dorothy here! but it's true! John made me proud to be an artist. to be an actor.
Now if only I can ACT!
It'll all be in due time. I'm sure of it. Until then, I'll continue strategizing and moving forward. Somethings going to come through.
Ashe,
Ciera Payton
