TREME

I absolutely LOVE HBO's Treme! I just love it! And I have a soft spot because I really want to be on it!

iPhone pic

Looking back at some old photos...

Me with my bro and my Aunt Kathy

My Mom and Dad and my Bro and ME

I think I was 10 here. This is during Mardi Gras! Where was I going with that HAT?!?!

Me and my brother!

Going Natural

So a few years ago I decided to forego the RELAXER and go natural. I have a mixed textured hair. which is still on the thick kinky side. Very wild to manage. Well I was doing sooo well until a family member convinced me to straighten it at a Domincan salon in Harlem. 20$ and that's. So of course I got addicted! I was going like once every two weeks. And My hair was looking good. Then in Dec a friend of mine who's an amazing stylist offered to style and cut my hair. I was brave enough to get a color as well. I got it died black. AND I HATED IT! The black, as my grandma would said "makes you look old" and she was right. It also didn't help the fact that my ass was so pale because of the NYC winter weather. But I loved the cut!

Suddenly when I went to visit my mom for christmas I noticed that my hair wasn't as thick as it normally is and that pieces of it were falling out. I wore it out natural and it was so thin! I actually cried. Then I decided to stop any heat to it and just roller set it on rods. I would do that and notice while washing it in the shower how thin it would be. SO I literally for 3 months didn't put any heat to it. But now it looks again like I've had a perm and now there's new growth!

So I started back using Carol's Daughter products which aren't bad. Their smell is just so intense. I'm wondering what I should do though. I mean its now really long but It's not healthy at all and I;m just too afraid to cut it or even do the (DARE I SAY IT) weave!

Oh its hard being a woman with crazy hair........

Doing my Cuban research

video I found

Above is a link to a video I found while going back and looking at Katrina devastion. I'm working on a play about the cuban revolution and thought itd be smart to pull out some photos of Katrina. Well somewhere I found this video that tells me Bush did i fact know what was gonna happen in New Orleans.
It makes me angry and sad and far too many emotions to explain.

What's next....

Today was actually a pretty lethargic day. I'm sure it was the weather and also the fact that I have an ear ache! but I went shopping!

I got some stuff from Carol's Daughter. And I really hope it helps my hair. 

I hate the fact that I have Mixed Girl Syndrome when it comes to my hair. I just get lazy with it and then don't know what to do with it! I'm actually considering cutting it......Like a bob. 

Or getting a weave, but I just can't bring myself to do it nor do I have the money to be spending on Indian Hair!

In other news...

I got dropped from Pat's Cocktails. I really think it was a sign, because that place was too dark for me. I literally felt like all these demons were trying to latch on to me. But I don't like being let go from any place. Oh well. 

And now I see that Ray Charles' granddaughter has come out. Hmmmmm very interesting. 

Now I have an audition to work on while I lay down with swimmer's ear in my ear. LOL my LIFE!

Ciera

No sure where I stand on all the recent news surrounding Steven.
But people sure are curious as to what I know.....

Maintainig in LA!

Today I tended bar!

this past week was such a rollercoaster. I got a car! But had to do all the things you are supposed to do when you get a car i.e registering it, pay taxes, insurance blah blah. When it was all said and done my bank account was looking pretty bad. I then had to factor in food and just general living. I knew this move wasn't gonna be easy but I didn't think  I would be sleeping on the floor of my apartment with only a pillow and a blanket unable to afford a bed yet along, towels, dishes, any furniture!
So I had to rely on family to help. It's rather quite embarrassing but I need it!
Everyday is literally a journey for me. I really don't know what's next and I'm trying to hang in there and keep my sanity! It'd be nice to find a really good church out here or something.
but in all of this uncertainty  something feels right and I feel like I'm making the right decision.

xoxo
Ciera

Materializm

Man our society is so material driven and it just disgust me ......sometimes.

Whats the cost of shit?
Marriage, love, family, etc.
When I look at the things people value it really does upset me.
I mean yes, I'd love to be out of debt and yes I'd love to have a very nice car and a very nice home. Heck something that I own. But out here and especially in my field people chase after money, cars, clothes, the hoes. Its sad because I know when it's all said and done that stuff doesn't matter in life. You can't take it with you.
I have witnessed so many relationships fall apart because of these "things" and it just isn't fair and it isn't worth it. I mean wouldn't you want someone to come home to that's been there thru thick and thin.
We have lost sight of all of these important things.
Its just sad and I hate to see yet another relationship fall off because feels like "more" is key while the other is saying it isn't neccessary. I tell you my Grandma's may not have had much but they sure did have love a gave a lot of it. And people remember them until this day. I know they are both looking down and watching over me. I know this! And that feels so good!!!

xoxo

Ce Cee

Happy Easter!

This week is gonna be an amazing week! I can feel it already!
I'm moving into my apartment and I'm getting back on track with my writing. I'm really serious about starting my book. I've been pondering do I want to tell the world through my journey?
I feel like my overall theme is SURVIVAL.
I am survivor of drugs, abandonment, molestation, jealousy, hate, greed, "i can't," and "NO." But where do I start with that? Forgiveness is key I feel like but I want to get to the deeper meaning of it for me and what it represents in my life. I not only want to start my book off about myself but what was here before me. My existance and infulence goes way before the day I was born. I feel like it starts with my grandmas Carol Frosch and Sarah (Spencer) Payton. And my grandfathers Gene Diaz and J.L. Payton. These four elements created me. And I possess something from each one of them. Strength, talent, beauty, stubborness, character, tenderness, kindness, etc.
My family's history is just so so, I can't even find the words for it. It's like a history of people trying so hard to cross a bridge that keeps breaking. Struggles that kept pushing them back and I feel like I've been sent here to cross that bridge to cross that river. I've came here to triumph!
I'd like to dig a little deep into Walter Payton and Gary Payton's past. They are treasured by the Payton family. And have gone far.
I think it's time for me to take a retreat to New Orleans. And really kick back and search my family's history and mysteries. mmmmmm delicious!

Happy Easter Yall