Appreciating the little things

Today has been a true testemony to all the good people I have in my life.
The family that I'm staying with here in California are truly something special. Little London is 10 years old and just brings so much joy into the home. I let her use my photobooth program on my macbook to make silly little videos of herself and they have made me laugh sooo hard! And Shay is 20 and just a breath of fresh air. She has been so concerned about me and my stress with my family and the apartment situation. She's been checking up on me and making sure that I'm ok just being really supportive. And Sonya has been nice enough to let me stay here a little while longer till I get my NEW LA place!

Man I tell you when I make it big all of the people who have looked out for me are gonna be in a really good place! Believe that! 

So tomorrow I have a total of 7 places to look at and I'm ending my evening off with a dinner with a director friend of mine!

Everything really is unfolding for the best! And I'm so happy about that! God is really an awesome God! I'm so thankful!

So you guys please wish me luck tomorrow on my apartment hunt! I just pray that the right apartment finds me!

xoxo

Ce Cee

Totally random

Kat Stacks

I heard about this woman yesterday and I see that she has upset sooo many people.
But I'm sorry when in the hell are men gonna learn that they can't continue to think they can get away with everything.
Now I don't know who she slept with and how many times, but I have to be the one to say it "they had it coming to them"

Now I can't say Kat is little miss innocent. I mean to be hanging around rappers and sleeping with them says a lot. BUT these rappers should just keep their mouths shut and not try to deny anything because they messed up anyway. And when its all said and done she's gonna get paid and everyone is gonna find out how wack they are.

So men you know how women can be when we get bitter and fed up. So be smart! because karma is a bia or in this case its Kat!

Go head girl I want more details!! LOL

Getting back on course

I have been a little off course lately.

Its hard to try to balance every single thing while so many forces are against you. I cried to my mama yesterday. I told her I'm just at a point where I'm tired of fighting so many battles. She said that all of these negative forces just want me to fail because something good is coming and that I will not allow them to. God gave me favor.
I love what Eminem says in that song "Lose Yourself". He says "Success is my only motherfucking option failure's not"
And that is what I have on repeat in my mind right now.
I realized that with all the stress and drama, I have forgot to stand still. Meditate and pray. I have just been so stressed out crying, eating, curing headaches and have just completely forgotten to give up control.
So that's what I'm about to do now is just meditate and go to bed.

Bowing out gracefully

I realized I've done a lot of that in my life especially this past two years. And here I am once again doing it. I have decided NOT to renew my lease in NYC. It sucks yes but I just know its the best thing to do.
May 2008 my cousin and I signed a lease to a 3 bedroom apartment in Harlem. I LOVE THIS PLACE. Its a duplex, cheap, located in the middle of harlem, close to all the trains. Its just a deal! and I love it!
Then December rolled around and my cousin up and left! I was litterally left with a room to sublet and rent to pay. So I did the practical thing "got someone to sublet"
since then things have been sooo harmonious. I found Liz to sublet the room and the 3rd occupant Kim was also cool. We threw parties and just had a wonderful time!
The week of March Liz found out that she was selected to be in a musical production for a show that would be in NV. I was so happy for her but it meant that she had to leave for 6 months. She was totally up front about it and volunteered to get a subletter for the time being.
Now all of a sudden my cousin wants to move back without any conflict. Problem is ALL 3 rooms are occupied until May 1st. And it's creating such an uproar. My cousin's position is "my name is still on the lease". My position is "you left and I had to do what needed to be done". the subletters' postitions  are "we signed on for a place to stay and stay comfortably and THIS is not what we signed up for"
Bottom line is I'm tired of the drama and my family has caused way too much of that in my life. Right now I want success and to live peacefully. This whole situation has literally caused me the jitters, insomina, and I have the sudden urge to want to THROW UP!
None of it is fair and worst part about it (besides the fact that she won't be accomodating and refuses to apologize and see how FUCKED UP the situation is) is that it is directly affecting ME.
So therefore, yes I am forefitting a nice apartment in a wonderful location but if my sanity and my career is on the line then FUCK it I need to now be selfish and do me.
Because everyone around has done just that for themselves and if anything my parents and grandparents didn't raise a fool!
I love my family but from here on out I choose to love them from a distance.
I mean fuck I can't be consumed with my addict father in jail, my indecisive cousin, and a list of others that I just choose not to even get into. I have to look out for me! That's just what I plan on doing.
It sucks though because as an Aquarius its hard not feel and to not hurt. We are very sensitive creatures by nature. But its all a learning lesson and shit I've learned enough! I have so many lessons that I think the world should be looking forward to my book!
so now I choose to bow out gracefully and live my life.
tomorrow I go apartment hunting in LA! wish me luck and send all of your positive vibes out this way. Lord knows I need them!

Love,

Ce Cee

We've only just begun

At the beginning of this year I had a lovely conversation with the universe and said that I want to walk down a red carpet for a movie that I'm starring in. I want to be in more films and more TV.  I want to work steady as an actor and make my living in my field.
Well here it is March and this weekend I walked a red carpet for a film that Im starring in. It wasn't hollywood blvd or lincoln center but it was great! People were scramming to take my photo and they didn't even know my name.
I should back up a little. Faythallegra Coleman wrote and directed The Way Home which what my part as The Female Lead.
Its about a young professional who has left her past behind and has no intentions of looking back.
Its a very powerful story and I did a pretty good job considering it was about 1.5 years ago.
It was premiered in the Azrizona Black Film Showcase and it got a wonderful response. We didn't win for best short but sitting there at an awards ceremony for a film that I starred in was just so great! I now know that yes this is only just the beginning. Oh dear God thank you!!!

Lent

So I just realized that Easter is almost around the corner. This year I decided to give up men for Lent. Anytime anyone has asked me what I've given up for lent I say meat, because I don't want to go into details and sound like a floozy but yes I've given up men for LENT.

What that means is no exclusive dating, no physical contact, and no entertaining phone calls, emails, facebooks whatever. Now don't get me wrong I did go out to dinner twice. I like to be taken out! that's just what it was and that's it.
To my understanding what you give up for Lent is supposed to be something that cleanses you and brings you closer to your spirituality. And for a while now I did let men stand in the way of me stepping into my full potential.
Some men have made me feel insecure, made me doubt myself, become too clingy, didn't understand my career, or were just terrible! Which would lead me to sit around worrying about them and about me and blah blah blah
So I said screw it, I will not be with or around men for the next 40 days!
And boy it feels good! now I can't front I do miss cuddling and the comfort of a mans arms is something I crave every once in a while, but I am not in a place yet to where I can balance the Him with my Dreams and Goals and Career.
Mentally I can't do it and physically it stresses me out. I really do feel like when the time is right that guy is gonna be there and its gonna be AMAZING!
Shoot! I'm looking for my Jay Z! I want Me and my man to be running stuff and looking fly and sexy as ever doing it! I want to be a POWER COUPLE...
Hence I'm here focusing on myself and cutting out any and all of the BS

Nothing is gonna hold me down!

Making the LA move!!

Wow!

I spoke to my agent Ellie Goldberg and she gave me her blessing! Actually it was idea to have me stay out here in LaLa Land!
She brought it up first and said "I think this is what you need to do because you need the credits and the exposure"
I'm really excited about it and now I have to figure out the logistics. Job, housing, transportation ect.... But its all good and I'm so happy to now have some clarity on it all. This business is just one you have to tackle and take on by the horns.

But something feels right and feels good about all of this and I'm ready to make it work!
Dear God please open the path door for infinite opportunities and allow more doors to open for me out here! Thank you God


love
Ciera

Good good

I woke up with a new attitude today! Yesterday after meditating and
laying out on the beach it just made appreciate where I am now.
Meditation is all abou living inthe moment and appreciating the
unknown. So I told myself to just chill out and enjoy where I am.
When I look back I really have come a long way! I mean I really didn't
think I would survive Katrina but shit I did! And I did I with flying
colors!!!

And that leads me to today. I met up with a fellow New Orleanian that
I've never met before. Ou families know each other and I just reached
out to meet up with him. It was very comforting being around someone
from home. And It was especially comforting being around a real live
actual southern gentleman.

Afterwards I went and got some new headshots taken by Christina
gandolpho. And I'm so pleased. These shots are gonne get me sooo
hired! I can't wait to see them!!!

Now I'm just chillin out with my friends that have been my family
since college. It's all starting to feel good!

Sent from my iPhone...that's why there's typos and crazy grammar!

www.cierapayton.com

A gift from God

Out on the beach earlier today...

Sorting it out

It's hard to focus when my mind is so preoccupied with all of the things that you have to think of in order to be a responsible adult.
So what did I do today? I went to the beach and meditated and enjoyed what gifts God gave. But it's hard to fully clear my mind now.
What is mind preoccupied with ?
Finances
Shelter
Location
Career
Wow they don't seem that big of deal when they are put in a list like that.
But seriously where am I meant to be? I'm sitting here and watching Low Down Dirty Shame and didn't realize that Salli Richardson was in this movie and for some strange real it made me feel that if I want a career like hers and really work then I may have to come out here to LA and stay.
So now, do I renew the lease in NYC? How will I find a job? Then there's the issue of finding an LA based agent. I have a manager out here which is half the battle.
Finances!!!

Maybe what I can do is go to NYC this summer work my ass off saving money and then move out to LA in the Fall just in time to take general meetings with Casting directors.

I'm already feeling better now about all of this......

Oh and tomorrow I get new headshots taken I will let you know how they come out!
hmmm I guess I'll go ahead and hop on craigslist now.

My thoughts as of now

Today I picked up my friend Logan from LAX. We chilled and had lunch. Then decided to go to the park and catch Alice in Wonderland. Before the movie started we got into a really deep conversation about the 2 of us trying to reach our full potiential. He said "I feel like I'm so close but there's just a hair standing in the way." I told him I've always felt like that. Everytime I'm embarking on something new and amazing and reaching the TIP all of a sudden something comes along and tries to block it or stop. Its like "No Ciera I'm not gonna let you succeed."

It makes me want to scream and shout and sometimes just get away from the world. These blocks come in all forms: Family, Friends, Finances, and the Foes.

Logan and I then started talking about that's why meditation is so important. His meditation teacher tells him its the time when your conscience remembers. For me it allows me to let go of all the baggage. I often discover that the baggage isn't even mines, it belongs to so many others.

My car ride home I talked to Que and just really tried to answer the questions in my head "how do I get over these humps? Get over these road blocks? How do I step in and reach my full potiential?"
He thought I was just being crazy and analytical. Which these things are hard to put into words and still sound sane. But if meditations and the law of attraction and the universal truths can shift and change energy then why can't I find work as an actor? why can't I be where I want to be? Why cant that all happen now?


Right now I'm feel as if I'm standing at a fork in the road with out signs and labels. I have no idea what's beyond the fork. All I know is that I have no money and very few resources and I'm running out of gas. So what do I do.....Turn back around, go left, or go right?

I guess its time to meditate......

Working on august Wilson

The men singing oh Bert from piano lesson

Testing

New Commercial

finally MACY'S is airing the Clinton Kelly spot. I make my lil cameo midway through. It's really cute and I had a lot of FUN working on it! Check it out below!

My Macy's Commmercial

Mobil blogging

So now I'm mobil blogging

Welcome!

I am a person that does keep a journal and writes in it quite frequently!

I have decided to now make my "journal" public just by sharing my thoughts and my day to day life as an artist.


So WELCOME and ENJOY!

xoxo

Ciera Payton