Friends Always Get You Through

With my hands full and major decisions to make, I always make sure to check in with my friends.
Especially the ones that I made into my FAMILY while living in New York.

Today I talked to one of my dearest friends Que Duong. He makes me laugh so hard and just genuinely listens with is more than I can ask for. He laughs at me for always being so dramatic but that's my life!

Ashley Shante is a treasure as well. She was so worried about me this past week and made sure to check in with me around the clock.

Mychael Chinn is the silliest funnest guy ever!

Isreal Scott is the light of my room!!!

Erica Wiltz gave me Tai and I couldnt be anymore grateful for her and that little boy!

I just wanted to blog about them because I love those people so much and it makes my world to stop and talk to them on the phone!!!

Me and Que in Harlem

Me and Ashley Shante

My lucid dream

For years now I've had this dream where I'm being chased by a serial killer.
He's usually dressed in a costume. Most of the times its a gorilla costume something like Donkey Kong.
Sounds silly, I know but it's very vivid and very scary.

Well I haven't had this dream in a really long time until this morning.
I dreamt he was chasing me again. This time there were other people there. I can't remember who but they were there.
He was in a Frankenstein/Ed Munster type of costume. And he was after me!
I kept running and running through this kitchen but he finally got up to me and he had these knives in his hand. He kept trying to stab me and finally I reached for his wrist and with my strength I grabbed the knives and began slicing him.

He didn't really put up a fight. He laid there and let me slice him and then died.

I woke up thinking, "Wow I finally killed him and it was so easy."

When I looked up dream interpretations they all said that I was conquering some fear that was there.

So what is the FEAR?
What have I been afraid of all these years?
Will the dream come back?

I dunno but what I do know is that it felt so good.

I mean the things that scare me are really being alone. I mean really having nothing or no one (family and friends NOT in terms of lovers) to turn to.
I've been so independent for so long but there's a huge part of me that loves people and loves bringing them together.

I'm also afraid of failure. Therefore I'm afraid to say no.
I've also been afraid to truly stand my ground.

These are things that I feel like I've conquered or that don't seem so HUGE to me. They are tiny things. Failure? Confidence? Loneliness?

They exist but aren't the main platter.

So here I sit at my computer thinking about that dream and how triumphant it felt to kill that thing that was chasing all these years.
And now I search for the deeper meaning of it.

And now it's time for bed!

This photo is from the play "And My Name Ain't Peaches" I just thought it'd be very fitting!

Finally got what I asked for

So for the last month I've been telling myself that I need to wake up really early to see the sunrise on the beach. Whenever I would visit my Aunt Kathy in Florida that's the thing I would do. 

But unfortunately I don't live too close to the beach out here in LA and therefor I don't make the effort to get up at 4am to drive to Santa Monica.

But something really cool happened...I rsvp'd for the WIF breakfast in malibu last week. It started for 7:30am which meant I had to be up way early to Beat the traffic. As I drove along the PCH I saw the morning come alive along the beach! I forgot the sun doesn't rise on this coast but it sets. Either to be along the beach so early in the morning was thrilling. And then the restaurant we were all meeting sat right along the beach.

It was so beautiful I literally had tears! 

The breakfast was amazing I got to hear Lucy Webb speak which was so inspiring. 

God I needed that so much!

LEAP and the NET will APPEAR

Tonight I said I was gonna give up.

I took a look at what I had here in LA.
It's been a hard and difficult journey so far, losing so much and trying to maintain my sanity.
I'm over worked and underpaid and mentally and spiritually lost right now.

Talking to Maxx tonight really helped the situation. He reminded me that others have it worst off than I do (something my Aunt Kathy always said).

Sometimes I do have fantasies of selling everything and going to Africa or Tibet and find the meaning of my life and my existence. I just don't know what it all means. The suffering, the pain, the hunger, the fighting, the happiness, the pleasure....

I mean who am I and what am I meant to do?

I'm at a lost right now.

But truth be told there's something going on with everyone right now. It's a lot of weird static energy.

A friend got fired
2 of my friends cars got vandalized
Someone I know just had their fiance leave them
Someone else just broke their foot

There's a lot of chaos and I just need the earth to just quiet down and smooth out right now.